Head 8 – The Sex Tape
Why do I feel so devastated? The series of dating, of course, did not work out for me. None of the men I went on dates with seemed right. Perhaps I was so preoccupied with their shortcomings that I overlooked their positive qualities. And since I lacked the confidence to face Pastor Ike, I had missed church gatherings. When a lady goes on multiple dates with no beneficial results, she is viewed as a tumor impeding progress. And wouldn’t that be the truth? So, to escape from reality, I found consolation in reading novels.
Today is Wednesday. I stepped outside to Badu’s Café for breakfast. As my order was placed in front of me, I smiled. It had been weeks since I had breakfast like a king. I sipped and munched as I read “Shania’s Devil” by Elizabeth Dwamena-Asare.
‘This author is amazing!’ I murmured. I mean, I could relate with the main character and it resonated with hope within me.
When my phone started to ring, I dropped the book. I hadn’t received any calls or used the internet in weeks, and I was at ease merely reading a novel that had been fueling my imagination like a wildfire in the harmattan season.
‘Funke, where are you now?’ Night asked, which caused me to panic. For some reason, her tone sent shivers down my spine. I could sense dread in her voice, and she sounded different.
‘What is it?’ I rose to my feet as if it would make any difference.
‘Are you at home?’
‘No, I am not.’
‘Meet me at your apartment as soon as possible. I am almost at your end.’
I took an Uber from the café to my end. What was going on, and why was Night in such a hurry to meet me? Was she okay? Or were her enemies after her?
Once I stepped out of the elevator, I saw my best friend, who had been my crutch since Mama’s demise. She rushed towards me and drew me into a warm embrace. This degree of tension was shattering my spirit, and I couldn’t wait to hear the news.
‘Let’s sit and talk.’ She motioned for me to open the door to my apartment. I switched on the light, and we sat silently on the couch.
‘When last were you online? I mean, social media.’ Night reached for my hands.
‘It’s been almost three weeks. I plan to finish this novel titled “Shania’s Devil” before I return online.’
‘That explains why you’re calm.’
‘Tell me, what’s happening? You scared me.’
‘Funke, you’re trending on social media.’
‘No way! Did Kwamie tag me in the picture he took with me? Oh my God! I can imagine the number of followers that it has attracted to my social media accounts. I am going to leverage that to start something great!’ I squealed with joy, but it was short-lived.
‘You weren’t tagged and as always, you do not have followers.’
‘Funke, did you sleep with Kwamie? You don’t need to lie to me. I am asking because he dropped your sex tape on Facebook. It’s the reason why you’re trending.’
I remained as still as a deer caught in the headlights. As I recalled my night with Kwamie at an Airbnb, goosebumps erupted all over my body. How could I have been so deluded? My legs grew numb, and it seemed that they would no longer support me. My cute ass was glued to the couch when I tried to stand. I felt chills all over my body, and the room started to spin like the earth revolving in its orbit. Then my eyes locked with darkness, and I slumped to the carpeted floor.
‘Funke?! Funke?!!’ I heard Night call my name. It sounded like an echo.
I awoke to find myself nicely tucked in bed, with sunlight filtering through the silky curtains. My head continued to pound, but I sat still on the bed. I’d rather have a headache than hear about the sex tape.
My night with Kwamie began to unfold right in front of my eyes. I felt embarrassed when I recalled my weird sex positions. Can you imagine I was dangling upside down at one point? At that moment, I felt my true calling was to be a gymnast. Oh, Lord, how stupid was I back then? But why did he show my face and not his? Where did he hide the secret camera? Oh, God!!
If Mama was alive, she would have been so upset to learn of me in this manner. She’d always mentioned that it was honourable to keep one’s virginity until marriage, but instead, I had been fornicating. Not because I didn’t value virginity, but because I thought it would be more enjoyable to have fun instead of waiting for a marriage that may or may never happen. I didn’t want to grow old without recalling a fun past. But it didn’t work out as I’d dreamed of it; instead, it brought me sad and disappointing news that would most likely leave a sour taste lingering in my mouth for the rest of my life.
How would I make it to church? What about the office? Yes, since I eventually ended up working for Yungo Oil Company. What would my schoolmates and neighbours think of me? Lord!
This is precisely what Pastor Ike preached about some months ago. “Desperation causes man to drink from several cups, which is how he ends up getting poisoned.” And, certainly, I had been poisoned, but I had no clue how to recover. What remedy would be recommended for the cup I just drank from?
I took out my phone and dialed Kwamie’s number. I felt shattered at the thought of being betrayed by a man born of a woman. This one possessed no heart, no conscience, just a brainless he-goat labelled as a human being in the public eye. I wanted to know why he’d done such a horrible thing to me. Would he have treated me this way if I were his sister, cousin, or whatever?! I was hoping to hear him swear it wasn’t true.
I phoned his line for minutes without a response. I kept trying without a response. Hell no! I wasn’t going down without a fight. I tried for the fourteenth time and he picked.
‘Hey!’ he said.
‘Just hey?’ I replied feeling enraged.
‘I missed your call.’
‘Did you share a video of me online?’ I asked, my hands beginning to tremble. I wanted to hear the truth from the horse’s mouth. I wanted him to say it was a mistake and that he was going to clean the mess he started.
‘Yes, I did.’
My heartbeat dropped faster than Lucifer falling from the skies. I felt I was going to die.
‘Why?’ I began to sob.
‘Easy, don’t take this personally.’
‘What do you mean by that? This is my life you just destroyed.’
‘Did you think you were that special? If you had closed your legs, I’d have been telling the world a different story. Relax, this trend will die out soon, just stop thinking about it.’
‘Did I mean that little to you? I trusted you!’
‘That’s your problem. You shouldn’t just trust others just because they listen to you or show interest.’
‘YOU’RE INHUMANE!’ I yelled.
‘I know baby. Now, here’s what an inhumane person would say. Send me an amount of $10,000 and I’ll fix it. I’ll text you my account number. If not, go and deal with the stress. It was fun while it lasted.’
And the line went dead. I broke down in tears. This guy was heartless. But he was right, if I hadn’t followed his lead, this wouldn’t have been the situation. I should have been led by the Spirit of God instead.
I didn’t have the energy to answer the numerous calls which kept flooding in thanks to the sex tape. Like Thanos, I wish I could snap my fingers and get rid of it but I lacked the necessary ability. Night had closed my social media accounts to help me preserve my sanity. Would I ever recover? Or perhaps, I should call it quits right after cursing Kwamie on my mother’s grave. That would make perfect sense. Voila!
Slowly, I rose to my feet and walked barefooted to the hall. I stripped naked, fetched a candle and lit it, then sprinkled rock salt around it. I cursed the day of his birth and I cursed his star. All I wanted was for him to spend a long life in agony and shame.
I, for one, had had enough of life. It was time to join Mama in her final resting place. I headed to the balcony with a rope I had bought months before. I hooked the other end of the rope around my neck and prepared to jump, with the other side secured to the barricade.
I took a deep breath, silently prayed, and leaped to my death.
‘Oh my God!’ Night cried. ‘Funke, wake up!’
‘Huh?!’ I sat up in bed. Am I alive?
‘Of course, you are! You had a nightmare. Your bed is soaked with sweat and your eyes look puffy. I heard you crying and I decided to come in and check up on you.’ Night said, handing me a bottle of water.
‘I had a nightmare?’ My eyes were wide open. I erupted into laughter and jumped out of bed to hug Night. I had slept over at her end since her husband was out of town.
‘What is it? You just scared me to death!’ Night yelled at me.
‘I am so sorry girlfriend. But that was a terrible dream I had. God knows how grateful I am to be awake!’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘I definitely will, during breakfast.’
‘I can’t wait. Let me set the table.’
‘I’ll join you in the kitchen soon.’
I grabbed my toothbrush and headed to the washroom to freshen up, but my phone called me back to the room.
It was Kwamie, per the caller ID. I’m scheduled to meet him at an Airbnb today.
‘Hello.’ I answered.
‘Hi baby girl, what’s good?’
‘So, I’ll be picking you up as mentioned earlier. I am looking forward to us having a good time.’
‘That’s lovely to hear. I’ll be ready at ten. See you soon baby.’ I ended the call and dashed into the washroom. He was my chance to become popular on social media and I wasn’t going to let it pass regardless of the dream I just had. Dreams are far from Reality.
By 10 am, Kwamie showed up at Night’s end and I joined him in his Benz.
‘You smell nice.’ He planted a kiss on my cheek.
‘Thank you.’ I smiled.
We drove over to an Airbnb to have fun. The food was excellent and I loved the expensive dazzling wine. But there was one drawback. My stomach began to hurt so terribly that I kept frequenting the restroom. Kwamie had no option but to take me home.
The stomach upset went away as soon as I got to my apartment, and I knew it was God who had come to my rescue. Else I’d be trending by now, and you’d have seen it, wouldn’t you?